Mona Daniella ZL loved the holidays, and loved hydrangeas. She would take pictures of hydrangeas she loved and send them to me. She would also make sure her daddy sent me real hydrangeas.
In Mona Daniella's memory, this hydrangea - Roshashana starts in 2 days.
A relative recently defined hydrangeas as "trans flowers"; for they switch colors according to the acidity and according to the iron on the soil. In Punta Del Este, Uruguay, where there are gorgeous hydrangeas, people would put rusted nails, they would put any rusted materials in their soil: it made the hydrangea a gorgeous blue.
Once we had planted white, green, blue, and light pink hydrangeas. In a short time they all turned into strong pink. The gardener had told us the soil caused the flowers to change colors. The following season the gardener added more iron and rusted materials to the soil. They did not turn pink. 
It is rare to find a hydrangea that is multicolored.
​Mona, my love forever,  this one's for you.

The family had prayers said for Mona Daniella's anniversary of death, in a synagogue on the Upper East Side, New York City.. As customary, we offered snacks and beverages, a speech was made, and we said Kaddish (the mourners' prayers). When people eat they say "Le'ilui Nishmat Menuha Bat Esther A"H"' (in loving memory of Mona Daniella ZL. 
​The emptiness is the worst part. This year felt worse than the previous years.

Mourner's Kaddish in Hebrew:                                                                                           קדיש 

2922 days since Mona Daniella ZL is never again. This year both the Hebrew Calendar Date (Elul 23) and the Gregorian Calendar date (September 26) were in the same day, as when Mona Daniella died tragically.
We lit the candles the night before, and had prayers for her in 4 continents: in New York, in Brasil, in Australia, and in Israel, in my late father's synagogue. As it is customary, we offered some food so that people could say "L'Eloui Nishmat Menuha Bat Ester" [To elevate the soul of Mona Daniella daughter of Esther]

Ateret Avraham Synagogue, built when my dad died, in his memory, and in his father's memory by my late paternal grandmother, and late uncles, almost 50 years ago.

In this email we became aware this friend knew Mona had tried to hang herself on Friday night (September 23, 2016) and feels guilty about it. We do not blame this friend. Absolutely not. This friend was not Mona's therapist. We will always be grateful for this person's friendship to Mona. It is a pity that we cannot speak with this friend as McLean Hospital has instructed everyone not to talk to us (as one of Mona's friends told us).
​
We do blame Dr. Carlene MacMillan who was fully aware that Mona had tried to hang herself that Friday night and DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING besides texting Mona to go to the ER, and LIE to them: instead of telling the staff about having tried to hang herself, Dr. MacMillan wrote Mona to "say she had thought about doing it". How unprofessional , and unethical is that? We were not told by either doctor about Mona having tried to hang herself on Friday night.
Why not?
​We believe this is another reason why both doctors wanted Mona's writings, iPhone, iPad, laptop under the guise they had been instructed by Mona to get them if she died. To begin with, if a patient tells this to a doctor, shouldn't that doctor do something? Actually this was their LIE to try to cover up their negligence and malpractice throughout the year which was documented in SMS texts and emails exchanges in thousands of pages. It did not work. We read those texts and were horrified by what we read. We showed to a forensic psychiatrist and to detectives. And sued the doctors for negligence and malpractice based on what we were told about those texts (from multiple phone numbers from the doctors, another odd thing.)

​This friend did not know the real nature of Drs. Carlene MacMillan and Owen Scott Muir, or else she would not have had such an impression of them.
Below the email please read an SMS text exchange between Mona and Dr. Carlene MacMillan where Mona wrote how an issue "EXPOSED THE WEAKNESSES IN HER THERAPY. IT SHOWED ME OWEN'S TRUE COLORS. AND YOURS." Mona was heartbroken, she had been betrayed.

THE EMAIL MONA'S FRIEND SENT TO ALL THEIR FRIENDS:
​
Okay, I know this has taken a while, since Mona died on Sunday into Monday morning. I also had the pleasure of speaking with Mona's mother on Friday night for over five hours. 

I am getting a lot of questions/comments/concerns etc.
This is what happened on my end of things. Mona and I have continued to stay in touch since we met years ago. We were very much a like yet so different as well. We worked well together and had a great friendship. She is a brilliant woman who I could go to with questions and vice versa. Over the years, Mona got comfortable with sharing her illness details with  me. For those that know Mona, probably already know this information. When she was at McLean, she struggled for years. People dismissed her, staff wouldn't work for her. She was continually wrongly diagnosed. McLean did the roundabout thing with her. Having her parents dish out endless amounts of money for private programs, all based upon a misdiagnosis. In and out of 3east and then transferring over to the adult units. Many women know her from proctor 2. After she moved back to New York, one of the treaters from McLean (Carlene MacMillan) also moved there. She stayed with that doctor and her husband. They were a great team and Mona started receiving the appropriate treatment.  Mona was also properly diagnosed once arriving and settling in New York. I am not going to go into diagnostic information as I deem that irrelevant other than it being the cause of her death. 

Mona struggled with being told so many different diagnoses, that by the time the right ones arrived, she was exhausted. And rightfully so. Many of us know this battle and the energy it takes to survive one day.

Mona was able to reach out to me in good times and at the worst times. I talked to her when she was stuck in many dangerous, suicidal situations. I was able to convince her to keep living and fighting....but that can only last so long. She needed to want it. Mona suffered terribly day in and day out. Lots of days planning suicidal methods, tweaking and deciding how she could just end it all. I fought back and forth with her for years trying to keep her in this world. I knew she did not want to die but needed an escape for the demons that haunted her.

Mona was a beautiful woman in so many ways. She was radiant when she spoke about all the children she worked with. Her brain limit was endless. Her knowledge was profound and her understanding for others was never ending. Mona went out of her way to help any and everyone. Anyone who encountered her can attest to this. She was always smiling despite the pain that kept eating away at her. She always would put others first despite fighting to stay alive. Her talents are not listable because of the quantity of them. 

Over the past year, things continued to progress, sometimes in a negative direction. She would get very suicidal and end up in other hospitals in New York. Some bad things happened at those places, not due to the fact that McLean is the "Ritz Carlton". She longed to go back to P2 but knew it was nothing but a revolving door. The hospital's in New York did not give her that sense of safety that McLean continues to feed you to keep you coming in and out. Many of her stays at the hospitals in New York were short lived and very traumatic. To my knowledge the most recent plan that was put in place with her treaters, was when she got to the point of acting on plans of suicide, she would go to the ER, "cool off and go home the next morning if the feelings had passed"- That was one of the last things she said to me.

So with this plan set in place, this is where my role became more pronounced during the events that transpired. On Friday, I had sent Mona a text, I believe, just saying hi and checking in. She told me she had intentions of jumping off a building and ending it that night. I proceeded to pick up the phone and call her. The next bit got a little messy on both ends because her phone had 2% battery. Other times, I knew what roof she was on. This time I did not. I could only rely on her to get herself to safety. As her phone was dying, I tried one last ditch effort of telling her to just go inside and call me from a landline so we could finish our conversation. I told her she could then continue to go back on to the roof. 

My hope was from the landline, I would be able to track her. With her cellphone dead, I had no hope. Luckily, she was smart in turning it off bc when she turned it back on several minutes later, she was able to call back. Like Mona, always caring about others, she chose not to jump because "too many people could see" and she did not want to traumatize them. She went home and we chatted on the phone and after an hour we were back to our normal conversation as if that incident never even happened. (This scenario minus the phone dying had happened several times- so I had a sense of when things where escalating and not). 

I felt I made a bad judgement call because to me it seemed like things de-escalated so I did not take further action. In retrospect, I know better and should have moved forward. She sounded happy, was talking and asking about me. She sounded better....or so I thought. The next morning, I got a text about her trying to hang herself and being really disappointed it didn't work. She told me "she would be making the modifications to fix it". At this point, I knew I made a bad judgement call the night before. She quickly got whisked away to the ER where she spent the next (or about 24) hrs. Once in the ER, we spoke back and forth on text and she was looking forward to getting out of there the next morning. I thought in a positive way. I thought the feelings had passed and she would press on. I do not know what time she was discharged and I do know that some people are saying her father was there with her. She did not mention to me on Saturday anything about her father being there but I speak only from my perspective and the facts I know. 

Sunday mid-day, I had a medical flare and had to go to the ER to deal with getting IV medication. I was in extreme pain and unable to do anything, let alone look at my phone. To my knowledge Mona was safe. She was at the ER, she would be discharged if feeling ready and able and that I would talk to her the next day. After being in the ER until 3 am, I got up and went to work at 6am. For those that know me, my job right now is completely taking every minute of my time. I proceeded to work monday and come home and fall asleep due to being up for many hours and then get up Tuesday to repeat. 

It took me until I got home Tuesday to check my messages because I was so tied up with work. (Enter more guilt there). I got the message that she hung herself. I didn't believe it. I thought it was a sick joke. I refused to believe it. I called her phone....I waited for her to answer...in my mind she was not dead and couldn't be. I left her and she was safe and when I return she was gone- How could that be. All I know is somewhere in the span of when I was in the ER, she chose to relieve herself of all the pain and suffering she was enduring. She had ended it. AND I DID NOT KNOW UNTIL TUESDAY. Clearly, I lost it, immediately blamed myself for my actions from Friday forward. I felt this was on my watch. That I made a bad judgement call Friday. I should have known better and got her committed. I shouldn't have taken her attempt on Saturday as a failure to die. I felt like I should have been able to save her. In reality, that is not possible. If some one is set on killing themselves (in my experience), they will make it happen. And that is exactly what she did. I do not believe she wanted to die. It was the diagnosis that she was dealing with that killed her.

 I am at a loss for words, frankly I do not even know if it has fully been processed that she isn't with us any longer. To me, she didn't deserve to lose the rest of her life. But that is not my decision to make. Some say I saved her life for two more days....some say I saved her life on multiple occasions but it all comes back to the fact that she is now gone. And not coming back....There is no saving....There is no Mona. 

Mona will live on forever in my heart. At some point this may sink in or not. I am not sure what the future holds. I feel lucky that my job distracts me but as soon as work is over, the first image that pops in my head is her face. I can't pretend anymore. This is real and this is life. 

So if you read this, and you are struggling fight on, reach out....please realize how many people this is affecting. Please think about it before you kill yourself, there are so many people out there that do care about you no matter how small your world is. Many of you could say I am a hypocrite and I do not understand. But I do. I tried to take my own life. I have been there. I was there many times. It took me so long to want to live after realizing the life I was brought up in and the demons that I have to fight mentally and physically every damn day. I know when the world closes in and the only option is out. But that will not stop me fighting to keep people alive because maybe one day those demons get smaller...I don't know. I know I want to live and I want to keep fighting....many years ago, I couldn't say that. I will fight and keep fighting in respect of Mona. Her bows and slippers, her smile and kindness- that will never leave my mind. 

Please if you have questions/comments/etc be courteous in the way you ask. Be gentle with her family and friends. Let them reach out when they are ready. I know just for me it was really hard to sit down and write this. I knew I wanted to because I know and her mother knows that her soul lives on forever. 

I am thankful for having Mona in my life and the many memories that were made. If you would like to follow along, her family has made a tumblr account- 
~ Mona's Friend

Screenshots of FIVE (5) additional comments that were sent from the same IP address 66.108.28.27, under different names (so far the total of comments from that IP address is TEN (10). All emails are fake, they all bounced.
​Names: L ([email protected]), oh ([email protected]), oh ([email protected]), L ([email protected]), L ([email protected])

The first comment - about bipolar and hypersexuality - it was sent to us one day after Mona's birthday.
What was the point of sending us this bizarre and weird comment especially since Mona did not have Bipolar.?
​Dr. Owen Scott Muir on the other hand has Bipolar by his own admission in interviews, and as stated publicly. (https://patch.com/new-york/williamsburg/crippling-depression-treated-magnets-pioneering-brooklyn-doctor)
​
An anonymous person sent this allegation about the comment: "it looks like OM believes it is an excuse for rape. He has used his mental illness in this way for a long time (like the commenter said about threatening NYU with a lawsuit rather than complete his emergency room training.)"

This comment shows this sender has no idea about the excruciating pain I live with on a daily basis. I am not angry. I am broken. Mona was my heart beating outside my body and now she is never again. I helped Mona. My husband and I, in addition to other family members helped as much as we could, we did everything Mona asked us to do. My conscience is clean on that. The guilt I live with is for not having checked thoroughly those two doctors. Had we known they have mental illnesses themselves, we would have never hired them to treat our beloved daughter who had gone through so much already due to misdiagnosis. The SMS texts exchanges between Mona and both husband and wife clearly show that both doctors wrote highly inappropriate texts about their personal lives, triggered Mona, and terrified her on a regular basis.

The comments that came from the same IP address 66.108.28.27 clearly show this person to be intimate with Dr. Owen Scott Muir: this person knew about the judge's decision and sent it to us in a comment instantly, before our own attorney had a chance to let us know; this person sent us an explanation about bipolar hypersexuality for reasons only they would know a day after Mona's birthday; this person claims to know, to remember Mona while she was alive; this person wrote they "loved Mona".
As an aside Dr. Owen Scott Muir wrote us in an email that:"Loving Mona was often like washing the dead..."

This comment is in reply to the reply comment from the rape allegation from a woman who studied in Amherst at the same time as Dr. Owen Scott Muir, and alleges he raped her. This person tries to deflect the attention from all allegations by constantly attacking me, a grieving mother, whose daughter is never again. 

More comments below in reaction to posts on the Blog from the same IP address 66.108.28.27, with different names, and fake emails that bounced. This person wrote at least 10 comments hiding behind fake names, fake emails, made horrible, and cruel attacks. This person seems to be obsessed with comments about the Negligence and Malpractice lawsuit against Dr. Owen Scott Muir in particular, and shows they have intimate knowledge of Dr. Owen Scott Muir (addressing him as "Owen" in comments).. It seems like this person might have been stalking this Blog, since they kept sending a new comment to new posts. From the same IP address: 66.108.28.27.

There are more comments that came from different IP addresses, the writing style is similar to these, like these 10 comments, the different IP addresses also have multiple comments with fake names, fake emails. I will post them another time.

- The following comment came in response to the post of the rape allegation (posted on the Blog https://www.monadaniella.com/blog/rape-allegation-against-dr-owen-muir-from-a-former-amherst-student) from a woman who studied in Amherst when Dr. Owen Scott Muir did. She alleged, and is willing to testify that Dr. Owen Scott Muir allegedly raped her. After this reply comment from IP address 66.108.28.27 was posted the alleged victim posted a new comment with more specific details.

As an aside who would reply like this? This person seems to know Dr. Owen Scott Muir. intimately...
​
An important question: if the rape allegation, "all of the details are fake" as claimed in this comment, why did Dr. Owen Scott Muir send an attorney/mediator to contact the alleged victim's friend about "Restorative Justice" (which can never be applied to sex crimes)?

- The comment below came after we filed the Negligence and Malpractice lawsuit against Drs. Carlene MacMillan and Owen Scott Muir. We replied to it in the blog on 10/13/2016 (https://www.monadaniella.com/blog/8162764)
.
Excerpt: "No, anonymous friend. In my heart of hearts I do not know that. Neither do you. You have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA about what went on. You have no idea about how Dr. Owen Muir aka Dr. Scott Muir "lost it" (in Mona's own words). You have no idea about the needless and senseless suffering that Mona went through in their hands. If Mona cared deeply about Dr. Owen Muir aka Dr. Scott Muir she would not have wanted to change psychiatrists so badly. Mona would not have told her dad she wanted to stop working with Dr. Owen Scott Muir.
Mona would not have left the negative review about Dr. Owen Scott Muir in Yelp.
Mona would not have sent an email to Dr. Rebecca Berry, her OCD therapist about not wanting to work with Dr. Owen Scott Muir one week to the date and almost to the hour before she hanged herself..(Screenshot below Dr. Owen Scott Muir's SMS exchange with Mona, copy and pasted underneath) 
​
Mona would not have written to Dr. Rebecca Berry " ​I don’t really trust them. It’s so hard for me to work with him and not to be afraid of him. Therapists aren't supposed to use your weaknesses against you. Lately I feel like I am irreversibly going backward and I don’t know how to stop. I feel so hopeless."."

Take a look at the screenshot below the comment: it is  from the SMS exchange between Dr. Owen Muir aka Dr. Scott Muir and Mona. In that SMS exchange Mona clearly stated she did "not think she could do this anymore". She wrote about how Dr. Owen Scott Muir got really, really angry. It was scary. [He] pretty much lost it.  This is not the first time Mona wrote in a text to both husband and wife that Dr. Owen Scott Muir had lost it. This is mild compared to other screenshots. Mona sent multiple times texts, emails to both doctors saying she no longer wanted to see Dr. Owen Scott Muir. She told her dad, Alan that she wanted to see another doctor. Whoever posted the comment below, in their hearts of hearts knows their comment is the furthest thing from the truth.